We are moving…

Yes, we are finally moving to

http://torontomama.wordpress.com

 

Hope to see you there!

Help!

I need help getting a new name for my blog.

Proud Canuck Mama is not doing it for me.

Most of you know that I also have another blog with a great name. Unfortunately too many family/friends/neighbours/coworkers read that one. So I can’t write freely and honestly.

Let me know if you can think of a good name. Once I come up with something I really like, I plan on getting my own domain…

Thank you!!

Day Three

Now I understand why people say they want to stop dating and just focus on other things.

Dating sucks! Especially online dating.

I have been in contact with M for a while now and we finally met today. I knew right away that it wasn’t going to work for me. So I had to sit through coffee and then lunch forcing myself to talk and at least try to make the best of what was clearly going to be the first and last date with this person.

I am exhausted from it.

Driving home I felt more fed up than depressed. I am tired of wasting my time with guys I am meeting online. It’s true what others have said about online dating. What you write on your profile has nothing to do with who you truly are as a person. I am not even talking about online daters who lie through their teeth about everything from their age to their relationship status and their job. No, I’m talking about chemistry and how it’s impossible to reproduce it online.

So I am done.

If I am meant to meet someone, it will have to be in real person.

It’s about time I start focusing on other aspects of my life. Everyone says that the right person comes along when you least expect it. And it’s usually when you are doing something you are passionate about.

So that’s that.

And I don’t even feel nostalgic about my life with TheEx, imagine that!

Day Three has been very productive methinks.

Day Two

I had a few moments of weakness today.

I saw two students making out and being goofy in the hallway at school. I thought of when TheEx and I used to go for long walks downtown and we would act goofy like that. I felt like there was a hole in my soul. I wanted to call TheEx and remind him of that time. I resisted of course.

Then, something made me think of one of the road trips we took together. We drove to Houston to go visit a friend of his down there. And we had the best time in the car. Those were great times. It’s so sad how people get disconnected with time.

Anyhow, except for a couple of weak moments, I felt pretty strong today. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m excited about finally meeting M tomorrow. We’ve been in contact for a while and we finally decided to meet and go for lunch to see if we hit it off.

I’ve been on a few dates recently, and I realize that it’s not easy to find someone who feels right. I usually know within the first fifteen minutes whether there is a connection.

M has a goofy sense of humor, at least on email. That is my number one requirement. Witty goofiness.

Something changed in me the other day though. As TheEx and I argued (because he was cancelling his visitation, yet again!), I realized I had to let go of the marriage because my not letting go was interfering with our ability to co-parent. TheEx has some issues too, don’t get me wrong. But I know that I can lead by example. My monkey deserves a happy and stable environment.

So this is day two of my resolution to put an end to the roller coaster ride and make co-parenting my number one priority when it comes to TheEx.

Day One

I feel like I’m back on my feet again.

Juggling work and a toddler as a single parent is no easy task. But I’m doing fine.

Dealing with TheEx is emotionally draining. I don’t like the way I react to him still.

I was doing fine until he started opening up to me again. And I allowed myself to go there. It’s been a wild rollercoaster ride since.

Have made resolution with self.

I WILL:

1) Stop contacting TheEx unless it’s for business.

2) Be pleasant but cold and collected when he comes over to visit his daughter.

3) Try to go to yoga class at least on one of the evenings he’s here.

4) Try to spend as little time as possible with him.

I will try this for thirty days and see how I feel at the end.

I’m back

I couldn’t stay away.

I am not doing well.

And I need therapy.

From my bloggy friends.

I went back to work last week and I’m a mess. A complete and utter mess.

See, the last time I was at my workplace, my life was very different. Happily married, expecting my first baby. About to go on maternity leave.

As I returned to that environment, all those memories came rushing back. And the juxtaposition of old life and new life is too much to handle at times.

I thought I was doing OK, but clearly, I’m not.

I know it will pass, like everything else. But I need an outlet and I had to resurrect the blog. Under a new name. A bit more anonymous than before. I wasn’t comfortable with all that private information being out there. And the six degrees of separation thing just spooks me.

So much to write about.

I met a new man. Taking it very slowly.

More on that soon…

Life by the drop

It’s a good thing I don’t do this for a living. I’d be broke.

I can’t write unless I’m seriously inspired. And lately it seems that inspiration has been coming in occasional bursts.

Today was one of those days. One of those days when the universe was trying to tell me something. As a matter of fact, the universe had to smack me in the head with its message because I’ve been too distracted and absent lately. With TheEx sending me all kinds of mixed messages again, it’s been hard to stay focused. But I won’t go into the fact that we miss each other like crazy and are playing with fire right now that.

*Cough*

Today wasn’t exactly a spring day here in Toronto, but it certainly felt like it. This mama felt a definite spring buzz and inhaled every bit of it. 

As I stopped at my favourite coffee shop to grab a latte, two cute police officers greeted me with a smile and some small talk.  Sorry, gotta love hot men in uniforms.

Then when I reached my first destination, I flirted away with a very young and yummy clerk.

Second destination: I bumped into an ex-colleague. We used to be really good friends but we lost touch when I transferred to a different location. He’s super cute and he makes me laugh. Hmmm…

While driving, I grabbed a random CD from my glove compartment. These are the first three songs on the compilation:

I get it, universe. I get the message.

I need to stop waiting for something to change. It’s time to start living now before it’s too late.

As I was catching up on some blogs tonight, I found out that a single parent blogger is not having the best luck with his fight with melanoma. Jim, aka DepotDad, needs all the support and the good vibes he can get. Many thanks to T who wrote about it in her blog. 

Life is short people.

Don’t forget to live.